5 Common Misconceptions about Marriage
Thinking about getting married? Hold that thought. Before you let the whirlwind romance of your favorite celebrity couple confuse you, know that marriage is complex and takes a lot of hard work to maintain. It's critical that you do your research, talk through your marital expectations, and most importantly get to know your partner. In the meantime, read about 5 common misconceptions about marriage below.
You find love and live happily ever after
If only it were that easy folks. Let me be the first to tell you that love is not a strong enough foundation to survive on. There are so many other things that you need like mutual respect, compatibility, attraction, understanding, faith, etc. Even more than that, you need the basics like food, water, shelter, and financial security. If you can achieve those things before committing to another person, great! Because if you're constantly worried about the basic necessities, the love can fade as well.
Also keep in mind that couples will fall in and out of love over time. If you don’t have a solid friendship and shared goals to sustain you, you will either cheat, end the relationship, or it will simply become a toxic situation. Make sure you're both on the same page so that when the storms come, you're prepared to handle them.
Marriage is not a business
I totally believe that you shouldn’t marry someone just because it's good for business or your bank account. However, it’s a fact that money is one of the top 3 reasons that people get divorced. Marriage is a legal binding transaction that you make with another person. If there’s no prenup, in many states you’ve just agreed to split all of you assets down the middle. Remember that there are financial and legal consequences to your actions and who you decide to marry can and will affect you. Make sure that the person you marry is someone who you would want to get most of your valuables if you die first and make decisions on your behalf if ever you’re on life support. Just saying.
Sex changes once you get married
I’ll be honest, sex has changed over the course of my relationship with my husband. But not because we got married. Sex changed because we had a child and were overwhelmed with keeping him alive. Sex changed because we work multiple jobs and are sometimes too tired to do it. Sex changed when I was depressed and not in the mood to do anything. I believe sex changes because life changes.
Sex also changes because sometimes it falls down your list of priorities. When we first met, I was trying to jump my partner everyday. Also we didn't really know each other that well so it was exciting and an easy go-to activity when we were together. Over time our love has grown way deeper than that. We still enjoy each other, but we’ve found new ways to engage that are just as satisfying (cuddling, going on vacation together, brainstorming business ideas). Intimacy is way more important than sex, to us. Keep in mind that sex often changes in marriage because someone is dissatisfied with the relationship. Nothing is a bigger turn off than fighting, unpaid bills, or infidelity.
You’re not supposed to argue
You may not hear this anywhere else, but arguing with your spouse is healthy. If you come across a couple who has never had a disagreement then they are two passive people who will eventually explode. Just wait. Now you definitely shouldn’t be arguing all of the time, but you should be able to talk through your disagreements in a mature manner. Wondering how to fight fair? Check out my blog post: You got into an argument with your partner, now what?
People change once they get married
All of your problems will not go away once you get married. If you were a cheater before you got married, you may be able to hold off for a while, but eventually you’ll cheat again. If you weren't a saver before you got married, your bad spending habits will follow you over the broom (raises hand). If you were selfish before you got married, you will still carry some of your selfish traits into the marriage. People don’t walk down the aisle, and POOF change for the better. If there’s something nagging you about your partner, sit with it, discuss it and decide if you can potentially deal with it for a lifetime. More importantly, sit with yourself and think about ways that you want to grow and be better. Change can happen, but not without effort, consistency, and commitment. Trust me.
If I can leave you with anything, my two pieces of advice would be to surround yourself with other married couples (in healthy relationships, of course) AND to consider premarital counseling. If it weren't for the teachings of our pastor and our tribe keeping it real with us and holding us accountable, I’m not sure that we would be thriving the way that we are. There are many more pieces to the puzzle, but I’ll save that for the book.
Anything I left out? Drop it below in the comments.
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